PMS Strikes

One of the most inconvenient truths (stole that from Al Gore) of this whole poly dating thing is that I really only have about 75% of the time to date. The other 25% of the time, I have my period. I guess this won't always be the case, since I'm 45 years old, but my body seems to be in it for the long haul.

I have PMS right now. One of the two guys I met earlier--the one I met right before quarantine--asked me about getting together tomorrow or Friday. But, alas, I'm expecting my period any day so it's a no go. It's something I'd be open to with someone I know well, but this would be a first-time deal, so nope, not bringing Aunt Flo along to the inaugural fuck.

The stats are unchanged from yesterday, and there's not much to report from the dating scene, but I have been thinking about my current state of affairs. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. Talk about inaugural fucks. Well, there won't be any fucking, but it is my first appointment with this therapist. I had a brief online therapy stint, but it did not go well. Tomorrow is my first face-to-face therapy appointment ever. How I made it to 45 without seeing a therapist is really pretty miraculous.

I should have seen someone LONG ago.

My parents used to threaten me with it when I was acting out as a twelve-, thirteen-year-old.

It's not like I don't know I have issues. I don't think a therapist is going to solve them. But I do think talking to someone might help. I do a lot of writing, and that is sort of like therapy, but the writing doesn't talk back, you know? 

I had the most ironic thought today.

You know I have an onlyfans page. I was talking about it with a guy friend of mine, and he was asking about the content. I was pretty forthcoming about how much I make and what I charge for various things. And he was like, wow, I wish I could make X amount of money per month off people who want to see me naked.

And that is when it clicked for me that I have people (mostly men, but I do think I have a couple of female followers on there) who want to PAY to see me naked.

Whereas my husband doesn't even want to see me naked for free.

I don't think he's seen me fully naked in months. I usually dress in another room. We don't even sleep together most of the time. He really has very little interest in me since I've gained so much weight.

But other people will pay to see this fat, glorious bod of mine. 

It's wild, huh?

I feel like I was going somewhere else with this, but damn PMS, it strikes, you know? It's sucking out my brainpower. And I just wrote 3200 words in my latest book, so I'm running out of words too. I think I'll call it a night. Maybe I will report in tomorrow with how my therapy appointment went.

I probably will need some journaling therapy after my therapy LOL.

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