Phoebe's Poly Dating Adventures

Social proximity-ing? LOL  Well, whatever it is, that's what I did today. So here's the current Phoebe Poly Dating Tally: Men I've met in person this year: 3 Men I've fucked: 0 Men I've talked to offline: 6 So...I finally met one of the other guys I was talking to from fetlife today, and he seems nice and normal and...above all else...interested. No surprises in his appearance or demeanor, which is nice. And he also works from home, so his schedule is flexible. He only lives about 20 minutes away. I mean, I really couldn't ask for anything logistically better than this. He has another partner he sees, but she's out of state, so he's looking for someone local as well. That's fine with me. I don't want him to get attached and want to spend too much time with me (yes, that has been a problem in the past.) He also has some swinging and BDSM experience, and we've been to some of the same clubs. Could this be a turning point? I don't want to pu

An update and a vent, because that's basically what this blog is for: a nice self-indulgent vent session. Had my period this week, so playtime was not going to happen (not with a new partner, anyway). Not only did the one guy I was talking to from Fet that I'd met in March keep contacting me via the site to try to hook up instead of texting me, but when he finally DID text me, he basically blew off the period thing and said I should come give him a blowjob.  So apparently my feelings and needs don't matter, but you need a blowjob?  I can be treated like that at home, thanks. So I joined OKCupid last week, and that was nice for a while. Third or fourth guy I spoke with demanded my phone number after two messages. So nope to him. A couple of guys 80-100 miles away kept pushing to meet them even if I told them long distance stuff is not what I'm looking for. And then...then I thought I'd found something I could work with. Guy is smart and cultured--a professor, and hav

I'm not going to lie, since my last update, things have been a mess. A mess and a half. I finally got my husband to admit that the reason we haven't been intimate is because of my weight and my diet (I have been eating meat, and he's a vegan, and, basically, it disgusts him to the point that he doesn't want to fuck me. Never mind that I ate meat the first year or so we dated, and he was well aware of it. But apparently it's different now because we're married).  This all came out literally minutes before I had to leave for my first therapy appointment yesterday. Oh, Lord, that woman has her work cut out for her, but she was lovely, and really got to the core of my issues right off. I really felt like she understood me.  I CRIED SO MUCH YESTERDAY THAT MY EYES ARE STILL SWOLLEN TODAY. My therapist said we would deal with my husband later. We are going to work on me first. And, yeah, that is kind of the problem. I've been so caught up in taking care of my husba

One of the most inconvenient truths (stole that from Al Gore) of this whole poly dating thing is that I really only have about 75% of the time to date. The other 25% of the time, I have my period. I guess this won't always be the case, since I'm 45 years old, but my body seems to be in it for the long haul. I have PMS right now. One of the two guys I met earlier--the one I met right before quarantine--asked me about getting together tomorrow or Friday. But, alas, I'm expecting my period any day so it's a no go. It's something I'd be open to with someone I know well, but this would be a first-time deal, so nope, not bringing Aunt Flo along to the inaugural fuck. The stats are unchanged from yesterday, and there's not much to report from the dating scene, but I have been thinking about my current state of affairs. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. Talk about inaugural fucks. Well, there won't be any fucking, but it is my first appointment with this th

So it may have occurred to you that hey, Phoebe, you were once a happy slut with a whole stable of playmates. What happened to said playmates and why can't you boink them? Why search for new dick when you've already got plenty of historical dick? T'is true there are a couple of local guys still around that I have played with in the past. And, yes, some are candidates for repeat performances.  However... I don't know how I can explain this. I have a bit of a depression problem. Many would say it's a confidence problem, but that's not exactly it. Yes, in some ways, my husband's constant rejection has diminished my once vibrant sexual prowess, if that's the right word for it. But it's more that my libido wavers so much these days, it's just not reliable. I will be incredibly in the mood for like one random hour in the day and then not again for a week. My moods are very much a roller coaster, and my libido is one of the cars. It's very hard to p

I put the stats for the year at the top of my last post, and I realized readers may desire some further elaboration on why the men in the "meet" category didn't make it to the "fucked" category. Allow me to explain. The first guy was very promising! We hit it off via text and chatted for 2-3 weeks before meeting for coffee. As soon as I saw him in the parking lot, I knew it wasn't going to work out. He was a smoker. And when he came inside, the smell wafted off him. I just can't with smoking. I'm allergic and it disgusts me. This guy was an EMT supervisor so if anyone should know better, it's him! UGH!  Sucks because it might have worked out otherwise. Second guy I met the second week of March, and we were all set to get together the following week for something a little racier than a smoothie at Surf Bagel. But then we went into quarantine later that week. Haven't been able to meet up since. Plus he went from texting me and checking in with

It's technically day like 713 but I just started this blog and we're only looking forward at this point. Here are the current stats: Men I've met in person this year: 2 Men I've fucked: 0 Men I've talked to offline: 5 Local guy sends me a message the other day that literally says: Subject: YOU Message: are beautiful. Okay, great. Thanks for that. I just email back "thanks" and do the requisite scope of his profile. A couple of dick pics and totally blank for text. Yeah, that's pretty typical on fetlife.  Then he asks me how my weekend is going, or something generic like that. I am in the mood to play for some odd reason, so I tell him that I've been working all weekend, but my puppy got spayed and keeping her calm has been a challenge. So then he proceeds to give me veterinarian advice in his next three messages. We've exchanged six messages or so now, and I still know NOTHING ABOUT HIM. Not what he looks like, what he does for a living, what h

I've been polyamorous for about ten years, give or take. Though with most things of a sexual nature or at least something so deeply ingrained in the psyche, I suspect it's been my whole life. It just took me a while to realize it. For many years I maintained two relationships, a primary and a secondary. The primary I'm married to (still am), and the secondary was a man who lived about two hours away. We saw each other every other month or so for eight-ish years. And then he moved 3000 miles away (damn military ruining my life :/) I took a long break from anything poly-ish in person (though I have continued to write about it!), but in the last six months or so I decided it would behoove me to find a partner, whether it was a friends with benefits type of deal or something more. And I figured starting with friends with benefits and working our way up to more was probably the easiest route anyway. You wouldn't think that would be such a challenge. I mean it's so simpl