Red Flags

So, I haven't updated in a while because I've been writing a book. Not because stuff hasn't happened, though I have spent considerably less time on the dating/fetish sites in the past couple of weeks. In addition, I've learned a family member is in poor health (likely cancer) and we may be making a trip out of state to visit soon. In other words, I've been preoccupied with life stuff.

That is one of the hardest things about poly. You have to fit it in around everything else, and it often ends up lower on the priority list. It sucks because essentially my poly relationships are a form of self-care for me, but, as usual, it gets relegated to the bottom when other people need me (which seems to be always, even if they're characters in a book LOL).

I did meet someone new last week! Very promising. I may not get to see him again until I get back from my out-of-state trip, but I feel like this could be the type of relationship I'm looking for, if--and it's a big if--the sex is good. That's one reason I'm pretty set on reverse dating. One in public date and then I want to get naked to see if we're compatible. If not, I don't want to waste my time (or theirs either!) 

I made the mistake once of dating a guy for a while, and he was the one who wanted to hold off on sex. Come to find out it was because he was awful at it. He had little to no experience and was so uptight he couldn't even perform. It was honestly one of the worst sexual experiences I've ever had, and I'd invested a lot of time getting to know that guy too.

That sounds horrible. I know it does. But it's just as possible I might not be someone's cup of tea in bed as the other way around. And I don't want to waste anyone's time either. As someone who has very little time in general, I'm a big believer in efficiency and multi-tasking LOL.

Okay, so...I wanted to blog about red flags because that's essentially what's happened with two of the people I'd met in person (including the one I met a few weeks ago and thought it was a go).

My normal process is talk on the dating site, exchange pictures, discuss what we're both looking for and other points of compatibility, and then move the conversation to text (or off the site). It really irritates me when the guy doesn't want to exchange numbers or offers me kik or something instead (I don't do kik). Right away, it's a red flag for me if they won't give me their phone number. You can block a number if you want, so, to me, if they won't give it, it usually means they're cheating on someone and don't want to be found out. If they can't be honest with me about that, then what else will they lie about? I don't build relationships on a foundation of lies. Just not happening. 

But here's the red flag with these two guys I had met in person but not played with: they gave me their numbers, and we texted for a while, but then they reverted to contacting me on the site.Which I don't even check every day.

It's basically the same thing as the first scenario, only worse, in a way, because they've already met me in person, so they should know I'm not a crazy stalker who is going to abuse their number (I'm like the opposite of a stalker. I rarely contact someone except in response to a contact). 

I even told the one guy (the one I'd met in March) that once I establish contact via text, that is the preferred communication method. He told me he "lost my number." Uh huh. So then we texted a couple of times, and he never responded to my last text, which was giving him my schedule for the week in case he had an opportunity to come down this way. A few weeks later, he asks me ON THE SITE how I'm doing. Um, no. Just no. Now, even though I met him in person, I don't trust him. A shame, too, because he was cute and well-spoken, and he had a condo down here. This guy had also told me he was in an open marriage, but now I suspect it's not open at all. JUST BE FUCKING HONEST, WHY IS THAT SO HARD FOR PEOPLE?!

Okay, I think I have this rant out of my system. Hopefully this new guy will work out. He's single, lives alone, and just moved here from the Midwest (which is bonus points for him because I am also from the Midwest) so I don't think there will be any red flags. Not that I've had any sex drive at all this month. Like almost literally none. But hopefully it will return when I have an opportunity to get laid :)