Um...what part of no do you not understand?

Update: haven't met anyone new. I put off meeting someone else I was chatting with because things are a little crazy with a family member having a medical issue and impending travel. But I am chatting with a few men right now that I'd like to meet when things settle down.

Then out of nowhere, a past FWB messages me nearly demanding I play with him.

While I appreciate assertive men, I don't like being told what to do before I even get into the bedroom LOL.

This is someone I've known for a long time and his (relatively new) wife just had a baby. (He was single when I used to play with him before). Okay, so he's not getting any. I understand. But like, I'm not your substitute pussy, you know?

I started to talk about how busy I am with family stuff, and how my libido is in flux, and I didn't foresee having any playdates at all for at least a month. Then I mentioned that in the past I hadn't wanted to make plans with him because he and his wife only play together, and I'm not into the FMF scene.

And he said, "Oh, she doesn't have to play. She just has to be in the room."

Uh, what? 

Just no.

And that's exactly what I told him, and he said, "Well, she might be okay with just being in the house while you're here."

Let me get this straight: you want me to come over to your house with a child and a newborn and fuck you while your wife takes care of your kids (only the baby is hers, the older child is his from a previous relationship.) Um, no. Sorry, that is SO not my thing. I'm not Dr. Pussy, and I do not make house calls.

Then he pulls the same shit that some guy who practically insisted I give him and his wife a chance before making up my mind that I'm not interested did (a guy whom I promptly blacklisted as soon as he got pushy). He said, "But you've done all sorts of group stuff, so I didn't think you'd be shy about this."

This has nothing to do with being shy. I am NOT shy. In the least. It has to do with only accepting experiences that are comfortable for ME. 

You see, one thing I learned in all my years of swinging is that I all too often put myself in situations where I was there for someone else's pleasure. I often put my own needs and wants on the back burner so I could fulfill other people's fantasies or to make others comfortable and happy. I am, by nature, a hostess. I naturally put others' needs before my own, and I did that in swinging ALL. THE. TIME.

There's a little saying among swingers that goes something like, "We don't 'take one for the team.'" meaning they aren't going to fuck someone they're not interested in just because their partner is interested in the other partner or vice versa.

Well, I took one for the team all the time in swinging. It's not that I didn't get anything out of those experiences. I LOVE making other people happy and pleasing them. But now that I'm older and I am only having sex once or twice a month, I want it to be something I want. I still want to please my partner, but I want my needs and their needs to be equal, not lopsided in the other person's favor.

My friend--and I've known him for probably 10 years if not longer--pushed me a little too far. He was really fucking close to getting blocked. But I dropped it, and so did he. Hopefully he got the message.

No means no, folks. There's just no ifs, ands, or buts about it.


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