what remains

It's been a year since I updated this blog. I'm not sure why... The last time I wrote, I had just had my hysterectomy canceled at the very last minute, the one I had been planning and preparing for years. I confessed in that post how I was very worried about how the surgery would impact me sexually, and I wasn't sure at that time if I would reschedule it. 

I'm pleased to say I had the surgery in November, and after a lot of soul-searching, I decided I could minimize my chances for sexual issues by retaining my cervix. So I did. And I couldn't be happier with the results. Not only did I have a very easy recovery, but sex feels exactly the same as before. And I never have to plan sex around my period again! Plus NO MORE PAIN every month. I used to even get cramps after orgasms if it was near or during my period. None of that nonsense anymore. Even my back pain is significantly improved. And I'm not taking thousands of milligrams of ibuprofen every month either. All around best decision ever.

I've been wading back into the ethical nonmonogamy dating pool now that 2022 has arrived and I'm fully recovered (and covid is receding). So far I have met two FWB candidates.

The first is someone whom I apparently met circa 2008, but we never took it any further. I was curious to know why we didn't ever play, but when he sent me a dick pic (he asked first, so it was with my consent), I had a good idea. He's pretty big. He claimed to be almost 9" which is just out of my personal limits of 8". I've not had very good luck with men over that size, due to hitting my cervix and being painful (and, well, my cervix is still there, so I'm assuming it would still hurt :P)  However, he claimed he would be extra gentle, and honestly I'm not sure if he's really almost 9 or closer to 8 but there weren't any issues when we had a playdate last week. 

So I would probably see him again, but I am a little concerned that he didn't go down on me or offer to. Sigh. I went down on him. I already have one man in my life who doesn't eat pussy (my husband, we're talking maybe 1-2x A YEAR) so do I really have room for another?

I plan to confront him about that if we ever play again.

Then I was talking to someone else, whom I met last night for a drink. You know, sometimes you just get a hunch that things aren't going to work out. At first, I was into him, but then he started texting me all the time, like even when I said I was busy and needed to work. Then this was the biggest red flag: I had sent him some photos, and one of them was my husband and I together. When we were talking a few days later about my marriage, the new guy sent back the photo I'd sent him with my husband cropped out and said "I prefer it this way."

Um. Not cool.

I'm poly. I'm not asking anyone to replace my husband. I'm intolerant of any jealousy toward him--trust me, he's not jealous of anyone I date either.

So that wasn't the only thing. There's also a very shallow reason why, when I met him in person, I was turned off, but I won't go into that, and anyway, I can at least say I gave him a chance--and was as gentle and kind as possible in rejecting him.

Meanwhile, my marriage is somewhat of a roller coaster. But that's nothing new. We are both trying to put in more effort, so we'll see how things go from here on out. But I think if I had a consistent FWB or boyfriend, it would relieve some pressure on my husband. He thinks I need too much attention and he definitely thinks I need too much sex LOL. Gosh, I'm sorry that once or twice a month isn't enough for me :P 

He's very encouraging of me to find someone. And even just having the one playdate on Sunday I think alleviated some pressure because we fucked the next night, and it was absolutely stellar (way better than the playdate, not that I could compare the two, but...well...it was.)

I joined a new site that somewhat caters to poly folks so we'll see what that brings. It's just so hard to find people on the same wavelength locally. 

So I'm still here. I'm still on my poly adventure. Maybe 2022 will actually be more adventurous for me?