Holiday cock?

 

This makes me laugh--hope you get a chuckle out of it too.

***

It's not the best time of year for forging new relationships, but sometimes things fall in your lap and you have to see them through. That is what has happened with my newest potential FWB. First of all, every man I have met up with this year has been named John. This guy is the FIFTH dude named John that I have seen this year. (Two of the Johns I met up with are old friends, and three were new. One went by Jay but his given name is John.)

Anyhow, because I obviously put out a lot of military/law enforcement vibes, this guy is retired from both. He's 8 years older than me and has spent several years celibate (he had a long recovery from an injury sustained on deployment). I'm a little leery of how that will translate into the bedroom, but he's  articulate, intelligent, cultured, well-traveled, well-educated and all the things that get this sapiosexual going.

So...we shall see, right?

I had mentioned a younger guy I was talking to a post or two back. He was someone who had followed me on Instagram for a long time, and then he moved to my area. He was one of those "fans" who may have thought it would be fun to pursue someone they saw as a "public figure." I really don't think of myself that way, but I know some of my followers on social media do. He talked about how much he wanted me as a FWB even though looking at his age, his background, his appearance (he was conventionally very attractive and fit), I couldn't understand why he was interested in me. 

So we sort of tried to make plans to meet up a few times, and at the last minute, he always had some reason he couldn't. Now I had stalked this guy online after I got his full name, so there really is someone with that name who lives here who has the job he said he had, but now I'm starting to wonder if the dude was catfishing me. It makes more sense than someone like him actually wanting to have a relationship with someone like me, but who knows?

I ended up blocking him after a couple of cancellations. I have zero time for that kind of bullshit.

Now...on an even more personal note. I hinted at this in some Facebook posts and told a couple of my closer friends about it, but it's something I'm dealing with right now: an eating disorder flareup.

Here is the issue:

I got triggered a couple months ago by something my husband said or did (surprise, surprise) and that coupled with a fitness competition I'm in has brought back some bad habits. I have lost a little bit of weight (some of what I gained after my hysterectomy last year). 

When I lose weight, my husband is more interested in me sexually.

This, in turn, leads to reinforcing the bad habits, like not eating or weighing myself multiple times a day. I have not broken out the tape measure, so that is a big victory. It's usually all downhill once I start tracking measurements.

I'm trying to focus on the fitness aspect, but before Thanksgiving I got bogged down in tracking calories, which usually leads me to eating fewer every day. There were a few days I ate nothing. UGH.

I sort of reset when I went to Indiana for Thanksgiving and ate whatever the hell I wanted (including meat, because I don't eat it around my husband because he's vegetarian/vegan and it upsets him.) 

Hopefully I can keep focusing on the fitness aspect--I've been going to the gym 2-3 times a week plus my normal 3 times swimming laps. 

It just goes to show you that no matter how much you have practiced self love and body positivity (hell, I wrote a WHOLE BOOK ON IT!) you can and will continue to struggle. It is an every day choice to love your body and to treat it with kindness, respect, and grace. I'm doing better now, and I suspect I will continue to improve in the next few months.

And, coming full circle, hopefully I can see if the new John has other redeeming qualities... possibly next week!