we are not the same

Hi. It's been a while. There hasn't been a lot to report. I'm still seeing Bee Keeper John, but we've had, I think, exactly two coffee dates and one play date since July. He also came by a local event and helped me pack up and load my stuff. He was hoping to go out afterwards, but my kids were at my house for the weekend, so I needed to get home.

I like him, but it seems like we can never get together. Part of that is my fault--I travel so much. But I'm getting ready to have a pretty long stint at home after my next trip early in November. I don't travel again until late February. That's three full months--though it does include the holidays, which always makes things dicey.

In other words, I'm low-key on the prowl.

In some ways, I feel like Jerry Seinfeld on his show, where he always found the most trivial reason to dismiss a partner. But I am in no hurry, I'm not desperate, and my sex drive has been lacking anyway, so there's not exactly a big push to find people to hook up with.

I was a member of a local LS group for a hot minute, and was even mildly interested in the admin, until he posted a long rant with absolutely zero punctuation or respect for grammar. And then he started admitting non-local profiles that looked very much like bots. I ended up leaving the group.

But here's a phenomenon that's happened more than a few times now, and it's super irritating. Start chatting with a guy who appears to be single on his profile. There's no mention of a significant other. Now, I assume anyone on a LS site has other partners. But having a live-in partner who doesn't know what you're up to? That's a hard no for me--it creates unnecessary drama and is a good way to get the rug yanked right out from under you just when you're starting to like someone. It's also antithetical to polyamory.

I am VERY clear about my status on my profiles. That I'm married but polyamorous, that my husband is aware and supportive.

So it's extremely annoying to me when men say we're in the same situation because they have a wife at home who won't fuck them (supposedly), and they have an "arrangement" or "understanding" that he can do what he wants (again, supposedly.)

That is not the same fucking thing, dude.

One, my husband and I do have sex pretty regularly. Two, he knows when I have a date. Three, there's no "don't ask, don't tell" going on here.

One is transparent and on the up-and-up. The other is not.

So, that just happened with someone I was talking to. And they didn't seem to understand how it was not the same thing at all. When I explained it, he said, "Well, that doesn't bother me."

Sigh.

I think I'm going to just stick with Bee Keeper John and hope that we can get our schedules straightened out.