Phoebe's Poly Dating Adventures

I have two potential FWBs on the line. They are both local and age-appropriate. I have been texting with both of them for a few days, and I feel like they might be worth meeting. So, what's the problem, Phoebe, because it's me, you know there has to be a problem. Are they both named John? No...thank God. They are both attractive silver foxes. They both sort of work in the same field (not law enforcement or military, thankfully). They are both divorced. They are the exact same age. They both have typical Gen X names. They live VERY close to each other. AND I KEEP GETTING THEM CONFUSED! Sigh. Am I too old for this?

 I seem to have a big dick magnet these days. Oh, wait. I'm an editor, and I should know better. It's not clear from that sentence if it's a BIG dick magnet or a BIG-DICK magnet. I mean the latter. I never met up with the other guy from my last post. We kept trying to connect, and it never seemed to work, so I just gave up. I'm really too busy right now anyway, and I'm actually supposed to be finishing a book right now that I have a very tight deadline for, so of course I'm doing this instead. Anyway. Finally get an email from a local guy. He's a little young for me (38) but... Well, I'll just show you: There's a big red flag there, and it's not the Italian thing (ha, had to say that because my husband is Italian.) It's the 11.5 dick, of course. I've been on these sites for 17 years. No, that's not a misprint--this fall it will literally be 17 years since I joined SLS and AFF. I've had hundreds of exchanges with men, many of whom ...

Well...I'm actually updating this in a timely manner. It's a miracle, right? There are some good things: The eclipse was amazing. Vacation Dick made several appearances on my travels. The event I hosted over the weekend went very well, and I got a ton of positive feedback.   It's good to focus on the positive, right?   But it's not all sunshine and roses. I got rear-ended (not a sexual euphemism this time) on my way to the event, and my new car sustained some damage. I'm okay--and that should be on the positive list above, but it's going to be a pain in the ass to deal with. Plus the $1000 deductible (because it was a hit and run, which adds to the uncontrollable rage I'm feeling about it) at a time that happens to coincide with a couple of very bad months in the publishing department is not great. Vacation Dick shriveled up when I got home, naturally. So, back to the drawing board with FWBs. Two potentials I was talking to in the past two months have ghoste...

The title of this post is because I just lost another FWB to the West. Well, not JUST. It's actually been a few months now. But I'm just really coming to terms with maybe searching for a new one.  I'm sad because The Keeper was a great guy. I didn't play with him nearly enough, but we did form a wonderful friendship, and of course we'll stay friends. And he's from this area and has family here so he will probably visit from time to time. It's just he found a really great job in Arizona and already had friends there, so it was a no-brainer for him to move out there. So...back to the elusive search. I was traveling for a few weeks, and then I came down with an evil cold. I'm still not 100%, and I'm entering Week 3 of this sinus crap. And I'm about to travel again, but only for a week this time, and then I'm home for a long stretch before traveling again. It's an ideal time to look. The search seems so pointless though. The vast majority of ...

Hi. It's been a while. There hasn't been a lot to report. I'm still seeing Bee Keeper John, but we've had, I think, exactly two coffee dates and one play date since July. He also came by a local event and helped me pack up and load my stuff. He was hoping to go out afterwards, but my kids were at my house for the weekend, so I needed to get home. I like him, but it seems like we can never get together. Part of that is my fault--I travel so much. But I'm getting ready to have a pretty long stint at home after my next trip early in November. I don't travel again until late February. That's three full months--though it does include the holidays, which always makes things dicey. In other words, I'm low-key on the prowl. In some ways, I feel like Jerry Seinfeld on his show, where he always found the most trivial reason to dismiss a partner. But I am in no hurry, I'm not desperate, and my sex drive has been lacking anyway, so there's not exactly a big ...

    I live my real life in the book world. It means most people I communicate with on a daily basis are other authors, readers, book service vendors, and editing clients. It's a very gossipy community--probably because it's predominantly made up of women. I hate generalizing like that, but...in my experience, more women = more drama. Funnily enough, I was just talking about that with my FWB, whom I've actually taken to calling my boyfriend as of late. Huh. How did that happen, right? One of the biggest takeaways from the lifestyle has been that the more women who are involved in something, the more drama there is. Threesomes with two women seem to be much more prone to drama than ones with two men. No wonder I'm not a fan of FMF or FFM, besides the whole not being bi thing.  Not that I haven't tried. Lord, did I try. Back in the day. A big house party with lots of women in attendance? Hold on to your panties, folks. Watch your mouth, and watch your back. Anyway... I...

Or so I've heard. I mean, all the animals are doing it.  A lot has happened in my little poly world since I last updated this blog. I had just met John #5. Actually I have met a lot more than 5 men named John in my 15+ years in the lifestyle, but literally EVERY SINGLE MAN I went out with in 2022 was named John.  I'm actually still seeing him. We have only gotten a chance to play once due to my limited hosting opportunities and his total lack thereof (at least for now--that is expected to change in the not-so-distant future.) We meet up for coffee about once a week though. I have really come to think of him as a good friend. We text all the time. He is a beekeeper and yesterday gave me a jar of honey. I mean, what's not to like about that? Yes, he has the veteran/cop/PTSD-type stuff going on that my husband has and most other men who share that background that I have met. But he's pretty well-adjusted. The sex was...well, I know you guys want the juicy details, and it w...

  This makes me laugh--hope you get a chuckle out of it too. *** It's not the best time of year for forging new relationships, but sometimes things fall in your lap and you have to see them through. That is what has happened with my newest potential FWB. First of all, every man I have met up with this year has been named John. This guy is the FIFTH dude named John that I have seen this year. (Two of the Johns I met up with are old friends, and three were new. One went by Jay but his given name is John.) Anyhow, because I obviously put out a lot of military/law enforcement vibes, this guy is retired from both. He's 8 years older than me and has spent several years celibate (he had a long recovery from an injury sustained on deployment). I'm a little leery of how that will translate into the bedroom, but he's  articulate, intelligent, cultured, well-traveled, well-educated and all the things that get this sapiosexual going. So...we shall see, right? I had mentioned a youn...

 Well, your favorite poly writer has had an interesting year so far, definitely the most active in recent memory.  I continued to see J, whom I mentioned on my last blog, through July, but then he had knee surgery, and I haven't seen him since. Bummer. That door isn't closed though--we are still in contact, so we'll see what happens. There wasn't any emotional connection between us, but the sex was fun, and he is really good with his hands/mouth. Considering my husband rarely uses either on me, it was a very nice change of pace. J also has a vast toy collection and enjoyed using those on me too.  I recently met up with a friend I've known for a long time, but we'd never explored a physical relationship. That story has a happy ending :) But, and you know there's a but, this person lives a considerable distance from me, so it can't be a regular thing like what I'm looking for. Sigh.  Which brings me to my most recent experience.  I'd been talking t...

National Sex Day seems like a good day to update this blog. Finally. I haven't been good about keeping it updated even though I have news to share!  I read through the last entry, and I did meet up with that guy I'd originally met in 2008. I even ended up playing with him. It was just okay. The issue wasn't my size limitation, though I did have to ask him to slow down/go easy a few times--he was happy to oblige. It was more a lack of chemistry. He didn't even go down on me! Look, I don't get oral from my husband (it has now been over a year), so that is a must from a FWB/poly partner. Not that I'm a pillow princess or one of those girls who even likes hours upon hours of oral, but, hey, more than once a year would be nice, right? So I ended up meeting someone else shortly after the 2008 guy. This new friend--we shall call him J--is a silver fox. Ten years my senior. He's new to the lifestyle but has plenty of experience one-on-one. He's more into the swi...

It's been a year since I updated this blog. I'm not sure why... The last time I wrote, I had just had my hysterectomy canceled at the very last minute, the one I had been planning and preparing for years. I confessed in that post how I was very worried about how the surgery would impact me sexually, and I wasn't sure at that time if I would reschedule it.  I'm pleased to say I had the surgery in November, and after a lot of soul-searching, I decided I could minimize my chances for sexual issues by retaining my cervix. So I did. And I couldn't be happier with the results. Not only did I have a very easy recovery, but sex feels exactly the same as before. And I never have to plan sex around my period again! Plus NO MORE PAIN every month. I used to even get cramps after orgasms if it was near or during my period. None of that nonsense anymore. Even my back pain is significantly improved. And I'm not taking thousands of milligrams of ibuprofen every month either. Al...

I'm feeling a lot of things right now, but the emotion that keeps rising to the surface is shock. I think it's because I prepared so much and so well for what I thought I'd be feeling right now that to not be feeling any of those things I prepared for is just...surreal. That's the only word I can think of to describe it. I've had horrible periods my entire life. My mom always said they'd get better after I had kids. She was wrong. If anything, they have gotten worse in the past ten years or so (my youngest child is 15). I spend 2-3 days a month literally doubled over in pain. Sometimes I'm bleeding so heavily I can't leave the house.  I had an ablation. Didn't work. My uterine lining grew back with a vengeance, and it brought friends. Fibroids. I didn't have them prior to the ablation. I'm somewhat convinced some of my lower back pain and bladder pressure is due to the fibroids, but not sure. Two doctors have told me the next step in dealing ...

So... Here we are. 2020 is drawing to a close and yours truly has been wearily plodding through, day by day. Everything came to a crashing halt for me 11 days ago when my husband came down with something that seemed like it could be covid. First test was negative, and he started to get better, but then got worse, and we're still waiting on the second test. It's been a LONG eleven days. Obviously I'm not meeting up with anyone while this is all going on. So that means that everyone I'm talking to has been put on hold for meeting. Most of them have been very understanding about it. I have remained healthy, by the way, as I sip my Emergen-C cocktail LOL. One guy, we'll call him Brad... Well, he didn't seem to get it. It started with a long message on SLS about how he lost my number. First off, this is always a red flag to me because he had the number in at least two places: on the site when I originally gave it to him and also in his phone because we did text for a...

So, nothing major has happened since my last update. I'm still talking to several different men, met one in person last week, and that went well, but I'm honestly not sure I believe he has an arrangement with his wife. He's been a little evasive, but that's not what this post is about. This post is about me and how in the past couple of weeks I haven't felt like having sex. I mean, that's great in my regular home life since my husband hardly ever wants to (I think he actually did once last week, but it was apparently so lackluster that I don't even remember it!) If you've been paying attention, you might have noticed there are a lot of things going on: a global pandemic, a close and probably contested election, and in my personal life I have a father-in-law dying of cancer and about one million projects to complete (give or take a few.) These things have contributed to being in somewhat of a libido slump. Hell, I haven't even masturbated in a week no...

I realized that I haven't updated this blog in over a month. My bad. I doubt anyone is losing sleep over not knowing the status of my seemingly never-ending poly dating saga, but just in case you are, then by golly, you're going to sleep well tonight, my friend! I'm still attempting to find this elusive friend with benefits. I've lost track of how many men I've started talking to offsite (in this case, the initial messages were spawned on Fetlife, OKCupid or SwingLifeStyle). Most of the time, the conversations fizzle out for unidentifiable reasons. Maybe I didn't show them enough T&A pics, I don't fucking know. Since we last convened, I did have a playdate with The Bartender. And let me just say that it went very well. I have a photo of the aftermath of my bed (spoiler alert: puddles) but you only get to see it if you follow me on Onlyfans LOL.  I haven't seen him since then because schedules and kids and work and shit.  I was supposed to meet someon...

Do people actually do this? Do women respond positively to this, agreeing to meet a guy at his place with this little information? Do men really expect women to jump all over this kind of offer with 25 words on a profile (I counted) and no face pics? Maybe he thought it was innocuous because he said "coffee and conversation"? I mean he didn't say freaky sex or torture, dismemberment and murder--just coffee and conversation is okay, right? Maybe I'm the insane one, I don't know. I have a lot of LS friends here, so maybe you can shed some light on if this is the norm these days. I've been out of the game for a while, after all, and I'm kind of dipping my toes in by myself this time (without a partner). So maybe there are different expectations now? I keep getting these super presumptuous messages, and it's like no one can write an introduction or articulate why they're worth meeting in the first place. Is it because I'm older now? Because I'm...

It's a new week. So...what is Phoebe up to? I'm scheduled to meet someone new tomorrow. Everyone else I was talking to has either been blocked or has ghosted me. Fun stuff! I'll let you know how it goes. I think he will be a nice guy, and I may like him, but he lives a little far from me, and his schedule and my schedule don't match up well so...not sure it will be that fruitful but he has been very diligent about texting me and seems very interested, so we'll see. We will be calling him The Bartender because that's what he does. Over the weekend, I had an epiphany that maybe I was missing out on an untapped market: the male halves of swinging couples. Many play separately, and perhaps I could find a stable lifestyle couple where the wife was willing to share periodically and would be agreeable to a drama-free married woman who was not in the least bit threatening to her marriage? Also, it has been my observation, that LS men are more experienced and make better...

Whew. It's been a little crazy since I returned from the Homeland. It's like all the sudden, all these interested parties have come out of the woodwork. I was texting with three or four different FWB candidates in the past two weeks. No wonder I can't get my work done!  I was sort of getting to the point of meeting someone in person when my social anxiety kicked in. I didn't make concrete plans with him for the other night, but I'd said I might possibly be able to meet him. As it turned out, I didn't feel up to it, and when I told him, he was a pouty little asshole about it. Even at 7:30 that night, he was still begging me to "come out and say hi, just five minutes," he said. Never mind that it would have been an hour round trip for me for "five minutes." So I told him I was going to stay in and bake my kids cookies, and that maybe we could try on Thursday. He did not return my text that night. Nor yesterday. Nor all day today. This is after ...

I turn 46 in three days.  I met my husband when I was 36. It's hard for me to believe that's been almost ten years ago. What a wild and crazy roller coaster of a decade! Well, I have nothing on the poly dating front to share with you, to be honest. I'm still talking to a couple guys but haven't met anyone and won't until I return from a trip to my Homeland (leaving in the morning.) I had a therapy appointment this week, my fourth one? I think? I walked in there feeling pretty damn good, actually. Then my therapist got me talking about my family, due to my impending trip, and the waterworks started up. OMG my family is really fucked up, y'all. I mean, I knew that, of course. But telling my therapist about some of the stuff that happened to me growing up, some of the things my mom said about my body.... It's like I couldn't even smooth it over and pretend like it was normal or I deserved to be treated like that. I do that a lot--make excuses for other peop...

Update: haven't met anyone new. I put off meeting someone else I was chatting with because things are a little crazy with a family member having a medical issue and impending travel. But I am chatting with a few men right now that I'd like to meet when things settle down. Then out of nowhere, a past FWB messages me nearly demanding I play with him. While I appreciate assertive men, I don't like being told what to do before I even get into the bedroom LOL. This is someone I've known for a long time and his (relatively new) wife just had a baby. (He was single when I used to play with him before). Okay, so he's not getting any. I understand. But like, I'm not your substitute pussy, you know? I started to talk about how busy I am with family stuff, and how my libido is in flux, and I didn't foresee having any playdates at all for at least a month. Then I mentioned that in the past I hadn't wanted to make plans with him because he and his wife only play toge...